"We are happy, free confused, and lonely at the same time. It's miserable and magical." -Taylor Swift_______________________________________________________
My Music ♥
CREATIVE WRITING ♥
Me: “If I ever wanted to fight someone who weighed less than me, I would sit on them, like on their face.”
Alana: “Guys pay for that you know.”
*cracking the fuck up*
Have you ever looked into the mirror, and hated the reflection that came back at you? Have you ever thought that the only solution to your problems is the swipe of the blade or the consumption of drugs? Have you ever stared at that bottle of pills that entices you with its spurious promises of relief? Have you ever hated yourself so much that you can’t even stand to get out of bed in the morning?
Not everybody understands what these people go through every day. It is an uphill battle from the moment you get up until your head hits the pillow at night. After that, as you sit in the darkness, your thoughts cloud your mind and you bawl. You cry yourself to sleep because when you are left to your thoughts… you can’t handle yourself.
Last year I struggled with self harm, suicidal thoughts, low self-esteem, and depression. I lost myself inside the thoughts of resentment, regret, and disdain. Every day I would wake up and still hate myself just as much as I did before I went to bed. I would look down to my wrists and see the dried blood from the night before. I hated myself. I hated the skin I was in. I would wish every night to wake up as a new person, but was left disappointed in the morning.
I want to let you guys know out there is hope. These feelings do not last forever. It took me a good year, but I put myself back together again. I had to get myself help though. I went to see psychiatrists, and was put in Immanuel. I hated it there but honestly it did help.
Now I look in the mirror and think “Who is that fine ass bitch looking back at me? Oh wait, that’s me!” I go to bed in anticipation for what awaits me the next day. I wake up happy, and I get ready for school with the biggest grin. I believe in myself, and every day I try my best to be the beautiful, unique, independent person I am.
I hope if you are reading this, and you are going through what I have, that you remember that you are beautiful no matter what anyone else says. If you are thinking about committing suicide, don’t! Do not waste away your life! You can get though this, I know you can. I did, and every scar is a reminder of how much I overcame.
You are beautiful ♥